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Moosey Fate.
Posted by Kharma on Mon, 11 Aug 2008
So, like I said, another new post in short order. We ceremonially marched into Black Temple, cried as our rule #1 raiders did bad things, and then proceeded to mince up Shade of Akuma. Now I know what your all thinking. Shade of Akuma? No wayz, you guys win the game because PvE is the hard! But lets be honest for a minute, Shade is a loot pinata. The hardest thing about the entire fight was Soul and Mac's Nazi ISP ceremonially applying the KY for a quick session on both. While its plenty true that neither enjoy the experience, at least they can live with the fact that its over fast right? Who knows, maybe that's the way one or the other likes it in general. Nothing wrong with that you know. Each to their own etc and so forth. Things could always be worse. Instead of being Jew Lite, Soul could be a Jehovah's Witness and Mac could be a borderline radical feminists who thinks that breasts are just useless globs of fat. Yes I know, scary glimpses of an apocalyptic nightmare world.
I'll close with a wish upon a falling star to Santa Claus or whoever the fuck is listening. Pictures, I want to post pictures on this front page or...zomg...video. I swear, I'd only use this ability for the greater good. Pictures of boss kills and such, really, cross my squeedily spooch and hope there is bacon in the soap again.
Speer and Magic Helmut
Posted by Kharma on Fri, 08 Aug 2008
Who thought they'd see the day we'd successfully step into BT and kill not one but two bosses in a single night? Fuck, who thought we'd even see the inside of BT prior to Wrath? Don't lie, many didn't. Especially during those dark days of SSC burn out. Bleak was the future then. But fortune shined on us. Change came and with change came a re-consolidation that's morphed us from "We're a PvP guild, which is just really a way of saying we're we todd did at PvE" to "Holy fuck we be pimping slightly below top level purples". All of the sudden we're in the upper echelon of PvE raiding. Top 5% on the continent. Yes, if the guild was a girl I'd be eating her out right now while telling her she tastes like cake! Though she still wouldn't be Megan Fox...*shakes fist menacingly*
Enough oral pleasures, for now anyways. There will undoubtedly be more posts before Wrath with other various comments on boss kill this, Bijaz sleeping with e-sluts that, hi I'm Del and girls vomit on my sperm etc.
Speaking of which...hhhmmm, bad lead in. For those that where hoping the following would involve sperm and vomit, unless your in the physical presence of one of the following, its not happening...hopefully...please tell me it isn't. Anyways, we've got a swath of birthdays in the next 3 days. An undoubtedly homoerotic gathering of the who's who of the sexy male stars in the guild. We've got Drunkard Del of course, who performed his own C section to get out of the womb using a broken beer bottle because he needed to make a booze run. Shuka, the Mexicant pantless ninja who's probably standing directly behind you right now feeling the freedom of the breeze, don't look, that'll just be awkward. Some...guy...whats his name? He likes fried chicken and rap? Token black guy, come on, someone help me out here. He was part of Operation Blackie Shield. No one? Fine, fuck you too. And finally, but no least, Pretty boy Chee who has recently decided to stop using his charms on 12 year old boys and has moved up to barely legal girls. Mother's be warned, all it takes is a look. One minute he's flashes his pretty boy smile then you suddenly find yourself staring deep into his pretty eyes and the next thing you know your daughter is pregnant, the cat is walking funny, and your ass hurts in ways it probably shouldn't.
A Throw Back to the Days of Yonder Year
Posted by Kharma on Mon, 21 Jul 2008
We decided that in all our OCD glory that we'd back track and clean up a loose end. Enter Leo the handicapped and his gay demon friend. We'd attempted him several months back but a profound dislike for SSC eventually drove us out of the instance entirely, least till now. It took us a bit, namely due to a small collection of people who continually pulled aggro coming out of phases and whirlwinds...*cough*. But eventually they either forgot to fuck up or failed to do so and the gay lovers died. Jeebus would be proud...or maybe its Rush Limbaugh who would be proud...or maybe they're the same person. If that's the case I'm glad I chill with Baby Jeebus instead.
As far as significant kills go, this one has to rate both high and low. Low in so much that Leo really isn't worth squat from a progression stand point anymore. But rather high because he was one of our original stumbling blocks. Kind of like a high school bully. Back in the day he made your life suck and you thought of suicide via sleeping pills or a woman's bic razor. But 5 years down the line you meet him on a downtown street and he offered to suck your dick for crack money. Yeah, that's where Leo is at, sucking dick to support his habit, in an entirely symbolic kind of way of course.
Midnight Summers Dream
Posted by Kharma on Mon, 14 Jul 2008
In the dying light of a late evenings Mt. Hjyal raid, we slowly walked, hand in hand, beside the vulnerable Kaz'rogal. The leaves of a legend cast fleeting shadows upon the grass as they fell from their majestic throne. A warm but gentle breeze caressed both the grass and our skin as we trod, seemingly light hearted, among its trampled and worn blades. Softly we whispered sweet words of attraction and beauty into his ear. With a touch here, a laugh there, and a smile, all of it with a glint in our eyes, we set about our business. Slowly, but with ever increasing speed and what seemed like pressing need, he relinquished his virtue into our hands. Gently then we told him that it had been the best. That he was all fire, brimstone, and doom. Quietly we left him to the emptiness and sleepless nights where even crying won't stop the pain or fill the void.
A genteel Southern response
Posted by Soulcatcher on Mon, 07 Jul 2008
So, we've been pummeled with oral fixation to the point where our eyes (and possibly other orifices) are bleeding. As I'm totally outclassed by Kharma's ability in writing sex ed manuals, I've decided to shift the battlefield. In celebration of the our success on Al'ar, I've gone back to my southern routes. Bird hunting is a tradition in the South, out done only by the tradition of old school southern rock. I present my own celebration of our success, to be sung to the toon of THE Southern ballard, Free Bird:
For those of you too impaired to know what I'm talking about (looking at you Canadians), here's a link to listen to while you read: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1mCQKuvzCM
If I left for The Eye now
Would the raid still follow me?
For we just killed Grull and Mag now
And it’s getting close to ten thirty.
Al’ar was circling Phoenix Hall, ya’ll
Trash mobs were driving me insane.
Cause we had been so close on Thursday
And that trash is such a pain, ooo
And that trash is such a pain,
And the trash is such a pain.
Lord knows, I’m barely sane
Please please don’t stand in flames, guys
Your death will be the healers’ shame
And I will take it so badly
Cause it’s a part of the fight that I’ve explained.
And if we control those damn Embers
It’s a good step in this game.
And this time we were ready
And we’ll put out this bird’s flames, oooo
And we’ll put out this bird’s flames
So only Kael’thas will remain.
Stay focused, four more, then its game
Four more embers, and its ga-aa-aa-aa-me
Al’ar was its name
And we kill-illed, flame bird, yeah.
Congrats on 3/4 in The Eye- we've got our first major 25 man cleared except for the boss!
And so begins my reign as Queen Supreme
Posted by Kharma's miniscule flaming penis on Tue, 01 Apr 2008
Kharma has been uncharacteristically slow on posting. So both out of necessity for an update on our kill on Al'ar, go us,
and the fact that I finally get my moment to shine and proclaim myself Macavity, Queen of Cock. I present to you My 10 Worst Blowjob Mistakes
1. Teeth
The number one blowjob mistake: letting your teeth hit his cock. We can't stress this enough. Ask any guy and he'll tell you again and again: nothing is worse than a blowjob that is all teeth. In fact, most guys won't admit it, but their idea of a perfect blowjob would be getting sucked off by a gorgeous woman with removable dentures. Teeth can nick and scrape the sensitive skin of the penis. Open your mouth wide enough that they stay away from his cock, or suck your lips in over them to cushion the rough edges. If he's wearing a condom during the blowjob this may provide a slight buffer, but don’t count on it.
2. Going too fast
Some guys enjoy a quickie, but unless they're in a hurry to get back to work or back to their wife/girlfriend, most men like to savour the experience of getting their cock sucked. So don’t rush them. It’s not a race to see how fast you can get him to spurt. Take your time and make it last. Concentrate on different parts of his penis, or his balls, then go back to basic sucking and stroking. At the end of a luxuriant BJ session, he'll blow a much larger, more satisfying load.
3. Sucking too hard
Hoovering him like a dustbuster may seem like a good idea in theory, but there's a wrong way to do it. Don't fasten your mouth around the head of his cock and suck like you're trying to get a triple-thick milkshake though a straw. Guys' dickheads are the most sensitive part of the penis, and uncut guys are even more sensitive there. The proper technique to hoover is to take more of his cock into your mouth and apply moderate suction.
4. Crushing his nuts
Don’t grab his balls and squeeze like you're trying to crack walnuts. This is a move you want to pull on a would-be rapist, not a guy you’re trying to get off. It's painful. Many guys like to have their sack rubbed, licked, or gently tugged during a bj. You can even take a break from sucking his cock to take one or both of his balls into your mouth. But don't yank on the family jewels, and don’t put them in a vise grip.
5. Barfing and gagging
Throwing up while giving a bj is definitely a turn-off, although sometimes this happens to the most well-intentioned cocksuckers. What happens is they get overenthusiastic, take the cock too deep or hard into their throat, the gag reflex gets triggered, and then it's all over. Or once the cum starts hitting the back of her throat, things start flowing the wrong way. Don't try to deep throat on your first BJ. Everyone will be sorry. Practice first on dildos to get your gag-reflex under control. Or just work up to it at your own speed.
6. Remaining immobile
Putting his cock in your mouth and then doing nothing is as bad as overdoing it. Most guys don't want to feel like they’re face-fucking a cadaver. You need to work it at least a little. A total lack of effort or enthusiasm on your part is a real buzz kill. If you don't know what to do with your tongue, at least bob your head. After a while, he may want to take a more active role and have you relax while he fucks your mouth, but you need to give him a little encouragement to get him aroused.
7. Not using enough pressure
Wimpy blowjobs are no fun. Be firm and suck him like you mean it. Lapping his dick lightly will just make him feel teased. Licking his dick like it’s a lollipop or popsicle may be fun to get warmed up, but then you have to get down to business. Use a firm (but not too firm) hand to work the shaft of his cock, while you get your mouth all over his knob and caress it with your tongue.
8. Spitting
Most guys want you to swallow and think that a BJ really isn't complete until his load goes down your throat. The only exception is if he gets off more on spraying it on your face, tits, or somewhere else. If you really don't want to swallow, this can be an acceptable compromise. Symbolically, swallowing shows that you accept him and his manly essence fully. Although we can't endorse unprotected bodily fluid exchange in any form, if you happen to be giving an unprotected blowjob (i.e., without a condom) and you end up with his spunk in your mouth, do not retch his cum into a wastebasket in front of him. If you really feel you must spit, do it discreetly into a towel or tissue.
9. Dry mouth
A good BJ involves a lot of saliva. Don't be afraid to get a little sloppy and drool on his cock. If your mouth is dry from nervousness or whatever, there will be too much friction and stickiness to give good head. If your mouth is dry, drink some water and rinse. Try to work up a good mouthful of spit before you go down. Suck on a hard candy to get your juice flowing, or suck on an Altoid to give him a mentholated BJ.
10. Stranglehold
Don't put his cock in a deathgrip. It’s fine to wrap a hand around the shaft, but don't clench and for god’s sake, watch the nails. Just hold it enough to keep it from flopping around and shuck his pole with your hand while you work him with your mouth. His dick shouldn’t have a handprint on it when you're done.
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